Airports, places that brings people together, from the jet setters, to the business workers, to the crazy hensters and the drinking stags. Some excited, some on a mission, some wiping the tears, other waving with joy, then me, the one who’s just wondering what people are thinking!
I have to be honest, my love for airport travel is not what it used to be. Yes I get that excited feeling as I first walk through the doors, backpack on, sunnies on the head, and thongs on the feet, excited for the adventure, then booooom, wow people!
Let me tell you airport habits that just take the excited feeling away and lead me straight to the bar.
1 – We all have to queue: it’s a fact. There is no glamour, we’re put into tunnelled lines and herded along like cattle. It’s at this point the first pet hate strikes, time doesn’t go any faster, you do not board the plane any quicker by literally standing toe to heel or even worse, wheels connecting with the back of my legs. That’s right – you could just stand a little bit further back from me and control your trolley from continually hitting my feet.
2 – Pay attention! Thats right, when you’re at the front of the queue, chances are, you’re going to be next to check in, so stay focused, look for the arm waving you and that glamorous assistant calling you over. I can handle doing the polite tap and smile when I’m behind you, but please, when I’m 5 spots back, don’t make me drag my arse over to you.
3 – Security, security, security. We have to go through this for our own benefit, the workers are simply trying to help us so come on people, we know the drill. Yes, you have to take your laptop out of your bag, belt off, coins out of your pocket, jackets off. You have to wait long enough before reaching the strip joint so why not get prepped?!
4 – Oh a personal favourite, departure gate! “Can rows x to x, please now come forward”, booooom 50 people jump up and run like they’re about to win a gold medal in the Olympics. Chill your boots, you have a dedicated seat Roger, thats right it’s your seat, relax the F out.
5 – Baggage claim, WOW. Nothing personally annoys me more than this, every airport has this line right, and if everyone stands behind the line, everyone can see, everyone can retrieve their luggage, because actually the reason I am stood their is because I actually want my bag too – I’m not their to simply look at your bottom! Then, even worse, worse than all of them put together……your kids are not big enough and strong enough to get your luggage, yes they’re excited but don’t give me that look when my bag nearly wipes out your child because you let them stand right up against the carousel
And breathe, lets think about Love Actually and remember all the happy thoughts of an airport and forget about all those annoying fucking Rogers!